Overcoming Self-Consciousness Concerning My Cleanliness

From 9th – 11th grade, I was very self-conscious about looking and smelling nice outside of my domicile (I cared about this while at home too, but not as much as outside it). So much so that it played a significant role in me missing over 2 semesters of school from the latter half of 8th grade through 11th grade (a period of 4 ½ years in my case). This resulted in me having to take an extra semester of high school in the fall of 2008 before I could officially be finished with school. (There were other factors that contributed to such extensive absence from school, but those are posts for another day.)

Thankfully, since then, I’ve overcome that self-consciousness thanks to various coping methods. The most significant being that I no longer worry near as much as I used to about what people may or may not think about my level of cleanliness. While still maintaining an appropriate degree of cleanliness by my own standards and the standards of most others I know.

To this day, the best I can say as to why I felt this way for so long was due to at least one of many facets of my Asperger’s Syndrome.

Preferred Mediums of Communication

Since at least my high school years, when it comes to mediums of communicating with people, I’ve strongly preferred communicating via Facebook, texting, and email than via any other medium. This is because I feel much more comfortable communicating via those three mediums than via any others, notably talking on the phone and video chatting. Plus, it’s also easier for me to communicate via Facebook, texting, and email than via other mediums.

This stems from real time communication, e.g. talking on the phone, video chatting, etc, being more difficult for me than non-real time communication, e.g. communicating via Facebook, email, etc. Something many people with Asperger’s Syndrome (like myself) have in common. With mediums like Facebook, texting, and email, I have more time to formulate a response. Also, in real time communication, I feel more rushed to respond when asked something, which can often lead to me having difficulty articulating my thoughts. This is partially (though not the main reason) why I tend to do more listening in gatherings with other people than talking. Unless a topic of interest comes up.

Experiencing less sensory input from other’s emotions is another reason I prefer the mediums of communication that I do. That’s not to say I don’t like it when people express their emotions. Far from it. I’m just more affected by other’s emotions than non-Asperger’s people.

Friendship

Having friends, i.e. people that I can relate to and do stuff with, has always been very important to me. They’re a significant part of what I enjoy in life. Making those friends, on the other hand, has been quite a challenge. As a person with Asperger’s Syndrome, it has been more difficult for me than for most people to become friends with others. Particularly without them initiating interaction.

Earlier in my life, this was largely due to my lack of certain social skills and (at least in the past) elevated levels of anxiety when around unfamiliar people. For example, during my junior high and high school years, if I wanted to hang out with someone I was friends with, I would more often than not rely on them to initiate such interaction. Especially if that friend was a girl. Initiating interaction with others, whether in person, over the phone, etc., was quite nerve racking for me as an Aspie (i.e. someone with Asperger’s Syndrome).

Things have improved as I’ve gotten older. I’ve gotten better at calling/sending a message to my friends via some other electronic medium when I want to hang out, talk, or whatever. I also don’t get as anxious (if I get anxious at all) when doing such things. I’ve also learned that I can’t simply rely on my friends to contact me if I want to hang out. That said, it’s still quite difficult for me to initiate hanging out with and/or even conversing with people I know who’re female in real time (i.e. talking on the phone and in person), since I still get somewhat anxious about doing so.

Having friends has had a great impact on my life. Although it’s been a challenge for me to make (and in many cases keep) friends, I’m glad I have the friends that I do.

***2015 Update: It’s not as difficult for me to initiate conversation with women in real time as it used to be (especially with women I’m friends with), though it’s still a little more difficult than initiating conversation with men. Same goes for hanging out with people, i.e. it’s easier for me to ask people if they’d like to hang out, though it’s still a little more difficult to ask women than men.***

What Caused My Depression (and How I Conquered It)

This post is in response to my previous post entitled “The Unhappy Side”, which dealt with the depression and increased loneliness I use to have. Now that I’ve given it some more thought, and read over that post again, loneliness, coupled with underdeveloped social skills, is what likely caused my depression in the first place. I’m writing this new post because that wasn’t something I knew or realized then.

Before I became depressed, I didn’t have many friends. Through most of junior high, and the first couple years of high school, there was only one person I considered to be a close friend. The majority of my social interaction with that friend and other not as close friends was in/during school. Once I started high school, I didn’t have that close friend in school with me anymore. We remained friends, he just went to a different high school than I did.

Sure, their were still other people I knew and considered to be friends that went to high school with me. Although, my relationships with them, unlike with my close friend, deteriorated more and more as time went by. This was largely because of my underdeveloped social skills and lack of good knowledge on how to maintain a friendship. I didn’t keep in contact with most of those friends outside of school, aside from a rare phone call here and there. To some extent, I knew how to keep in touch, like when I’d call them. More often though, I relied on them to call me to talk and/or get together and hang out. This was the case even with the close friendships I developed later in high school.

At least with the latter, as I was developing those later friendships, Facebook had recently been invented. As I mentioned in my previous post, Facebook was a big help in significantly reducing my loneliness, and in turn, eliminating my depression. This is because most of my friends and other people I knew made accounts on Facebook, and eventually became my Facebook friends.

Something else that also helped me greatly reduce my loneliness, beat depression, and improve my social skills was an aspie support group I began attending sometime during high school. I learned a lot from this group. I met other people like myself, who shared similar life experiences, similar challenges, and other things they struggled with. I even learned about the many positives of being an aspie. I discovered I had a lot in common with these people, aside from just having Asperger’s Syndrome. I made many friends in this group, which further aided in the eventual conquering of my depression.

In conclusion, I think I can say with much certainty that loneliness, coupled with underdeveloped social skills, was indeed the cause of my depression. Through the many great friendships I made over time, the advent of Facebook, and more developed social skills, I was able to conquer my depression. I now live a much happier, comfortable life because of that.

The Unhappy Side

Like most people, I’ve dealt with such things as loneliness and depression. I’m not certain as to why, but I initially remember feeling such emotions after being diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. Depression most so. I think everyone deals with such things at some point in their lives, but like with other emotions, sensations, and whatnot, people with Asperger’s tend to experience such things on a somewhat magnified scale.

What kind of sucks when it comes to the depression I’ve experienced, is that I don’t know what caused it. I was living a great life back then, and I still am today. I denied my depression for the longest time. I hated taking meds for it, as I didn’t think that I needed to. I adamantly believed that I didn’t need them, and that I would be no worse without them. I was able to convince my neurologist of this sometime before I was out of high school. Since then, I haven’t taken any meds for depression, or anything else related to my Asperger’s. Nonetheless, it would be nice to know what caused me to get depressed in the first place.

I don’t really know much that I can say about the loneliness that I’ve felt, and still feel from time to time. It certainly is easier to deal with now, as there are more people in my life that I regularly talk to and do stuff with. That, on top of having a job that I really enjoy, and maturing a lot near the end of and since my school days. Things like that have really been of benefit to my overall mood, as well as my relationships with people.

What’s helped a lot too, I think, is Facebook. It’s helped me to keep in touch more with those I know. Especially nowadays, since most people I know and am close to are on Facebook and are my Facebook friends. The relationships I’ve had and have with people are what really help keep me happy and feeling good. That, and being able to go for days without really needing any personal, face-to-face interaction with people. Most days, the only human interaction I really need and/or desire I can get via Facebook.

That’s not to say I don’t enjoy spending a lot of time with the people I care about. That’s one of my favorite things to do. Even if I’m just in the same house/building with such people, and not actually interacting. Probably due mostly to my highly introverted nature, I just don’t really require a lot of in-person interaction to be happy, and at the same time, not be lonely and depressed.

Motivation

Motivation to do something has been a determining factor in much that I do. When there’s something to be done, usually some kind of work and/or something I don’t prefer doing, I like to know why it needs to be done.

Is this really necessary? Can it wait until later, or does it have to/should it be done now? Does accomplishing such a task or activity have any effect on me? Do I need to do this? Will I benefit from doing whatever task or activity that’s being asked of me, and/or needs to/should be done?

When it comes to doing things, especially things that I don’t want to do, I consider questions like this prior to taking any action. This has been the case for me for quite a long time. Honestly, it makes sense to take such things into account before acting on them. This is why I still procrastinate a lot.

I’m unsure as to whether this is an Aspie trait, or just simply a few ways that I reason things. Knowing that Aspies have very logical minds, it would makes sense for other Aspies to be of like mind with me. At the same time, considering other people in your decision making is important when something affects more than just you. I suppose what I’m saying is that even though it’s good to look out for your own interests, you still need to consider the wants and needs of others.

For one thing, when you do something good for someone else, regardless of whether they asked you to or not, they might then be inclined to do something for you in return at a later time. Don’t always expect this to be the case, as doing a favor for others, while usually nice, doesn’t mean they are obligated to then do something for you. Do good things because they’re good things to do, not (just) for the sake of expecting something from someone else.

Where I used to only do things largely for my own sake, I’ve learned that the world doesn’t revolve around me. At times, it’s good to step out of my comfort zone to do stuff just as much for the benefit of others than for myself. I like being on good terms with people and helping them when I can.

About Me: Resoman

I’m not very good with introductions when I don’t have some kind of prompt, so I suppose I’ll just start with some basics.

I’m a 23 year old male living in Texas. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome in early 2004 by Dr. Timothy Bohan, MD, PhD. I live with my family, who are very supportive of me. I work part time at a nearby church as a childcare worker.

I have a variety of interests and hobbies. Playing the Magic: the Gathering card game with my friends is one of them. Watching anime is something else I like to do in my spare time. Learning the etymology of words is also something I’m fond of. This particular interest has even developed into a desire to create my own language, something I’m currently working on. I like to use the internet; Facebook being the site I frequent most. I also enjoy playing video/computer games.

Spending time with people I care about is something I truly relish. I’m a very easy going guy who gets along quite well with others. I don’t get offended easily, and have very good control over my emotions.

I’m an agnostic atheist. That means I don’t believe in the existence of any gods, while not claiming that they definitely don’t exist. I was raised as a Roman Catholic Christian. I became an agnostic atheist when I was 22 years old, after several months of researching my religious beliefs. One thing that contributed to this is that I don’t recall ever being a deeply religious person. Another significant factor was meeting Ankh Infinitus. He was highly influential in helping me learn what I now know that led to my position as an agnostic atheist.

Positives about being an Aspie

The name speaks for itself, as there are many good things about being an Aspie. This video is worth watching, whether or not you’re an Aspie. After watching it myself, I can relate to much of what is said. Oh, and props to TheAnMish for creating this video.