Putting on a show

I’m hilarious. I discovered it early in life, and it has gotten me through many social situations. People like to laugh, and when you make someone laugh, they like you more. Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure to be funny, and when I’m by myself again, I’m left feeling exhausted and sometimes a bit depressed. It seems to be automatic. I can’t turn it off, it’s just my natural reaction when I want the people around me to like me.

This has made working very difficult for me.  I’m always either working with customers or coworkers, and in both situations there is pressure to ensure that the people around me like me.  If I have to work a long day, that’s a lot of energy that goes into being charming and witty.  It leaves me with nothing for my personal life but a desire to escape from reality into video games or books.

I think maybe I don’t give myself enough credit for being smart.  I think I would find that a lot easier to lean on in the long run, and funny is a biproduct of smart anyway.