One of the things I hate about my neurological make-up as someone with an ASD is the physical clumsiness and lack of coordination that come with it. What prompted this post was the fact that I knocked over a lamp on my dresser a few nights ago and destroyed the filament in the bulb and I don’t know how it actually happened other than it happened very quickly. I think I was trying to put something else up on my dresser and somehow I snagged the lamp and sent it crashing to the floor.
I’ve forever been kicking doorframes while trying to slouch through them…I sometimes drop glasses and shatter them (not often, thank goodness, but often enough). Or tip them over by accident. It’s embarrassing, sometimes humiliating.
Yet paradoxically I’ve sometimes shown some amazing manual dexterity when it comes to taking things apart or putting them together. I have a quick intuitive sense of how different disassembled parts fit together, though once I did bite off more than I could chew when I ordered a bicycle kit from Walmart.com; I got it partly assembled but just couldn’t figure out how to make the handlebars fit securely to the frame. I wound up rolling my partly-assembled bike to the nearest bike shop in Denton and paid them (gladly!) to finish the job for me. Even with their labor costs added in, I still came out money ahead than I would have buying a fully assembled bike at Wal-Mart’s physical store in Denton, Texas.
I would probably make a good gunsmith and/or armorer with the proper training, but I don’t have the money or the spare time to get thusly trained. I’m mostly pretty cerebral but sometimes I surprise myself.
I’m still a Klass A. Klutz, though, and it irritates and pisses me off so much at times. It’s like my gangly body is a mirror of my inherent social awkwardness. Like other Aspies, I do very much enjoy being in a swimming pool. I’m no competitive swimmer by any means, but I’ve always liked floating in water, the sheer physical sensation of it all. I like doing underwater handstands; sitting on the bottom as long as my breath will allow it, floating on my back; playful things like that. While I’m in the water my body feels supported and less klutzy overall.
It’s something about NT society as a whole, but people who lack physical grace are judged as harshly as those who lack social grace…indeed the two are often seemingly correlated in our lives as Aspies. Which isn’t to say I don’t enjoy good physical comedy, i.e. slapstick. I most certainly do.
I think i’ve probably unconsciously internalized a lot of self-loathing of my body’s inherent clumsiness from the wider society around me. I’ve tried always to be extra mindful/careful by way of compensation, but even I slip up sometimes, even at my age. I’m still a 42 year old dork sometimes.