Frustrations in communcation; NT-Aspie, Aspie-Aspie

The scene: our kitchen, in the morning before work. I am eating breakfast, having made my box lunch for the day. (I originally posted this to Facebook the day it happened, fully intending to expand upon it in a later blog post, just now getting around to it)
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“You are so damn rude!”

Mom’s rebuke still echoes in my ears from just a few minutes ago.

It’s like the few books she’s read on Asperger’s left no lasting impression on her. Or that she believes somehow now that I know about Asperger’s myself and what challenges Aspies face in social settings, etc, that I should, with that knowledge, I dunno, somehow be able to stop being Aspie?

I was, admittedly, hurriedly stuffing cereal into my face when mom asked me if I’d seen the special potato chips I’d asked her to buy. My mouth was absolutely full when she enuciated her question. Not wanting to fail to acknowledge this, I managed what I hoped was a sufficiently loud enough closed-mouth “uh huh” but she didn’t hear it. She, not noticing my predicament, asked her question again, assuming I hadn’t heard her. Eager to express my gratitude, I swallowed quickly and managed to blurt out “Yes, I saw them, thank you!” but evidently my tone was “off” again and my mother glared at me with this look of disbelief and disgust and said the above statement that I opened this paragraph with.

My heart sank. At a loss for words myself, I just stared into my cereal bowl, dejected. It’s painful to be so badly misunderstood by one so close to you….by someone who has read about Asperger’s and ought to know better than the average person, but still doesn’t, somehow. #LifewithAspergers
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A Facebook friend, who is also an Aspie, felt moved to reply.  It started out well, but then kind of went off the rails.  Her reply became so long and running off on a tangent that my eyes glazed over and I really lost patience quickly.  I wouldn’t mind her doing this on her own Facebook wall; Sometimes I read her über-long posts, but I do have to power through them at times.  Usually worth the effort though not always.  She’s been through so much crap in her life a lot of what she writes is painful to even just to read about, let alone try to imagine going through oneself.

Aspie community is hard.  Our difficulty in relating to NTs is well known, but we sometimes stumble in communicating with each other as well.  Though we tend to generally understand each other better than any NT, it’s not as though our own interpersonal communication takes place without error or confusion or boundary violations…

I wanted to repost my friend’s replies here and intersperse them with my own comments.  I do feel guilty about my frustrated/angry response.  I wasn’t trying to be mean spirited, just gently mocking at first, though I do admit my anger increased as I tried to read backwards through the thread, failing to comprehend how her later posts had anything at all to do with my original posting…

I also wish she would contribute this kind of writing directly to the blog instead of squirreling it away on Facebook to be read by nobody, or at most only a few oddballs like yours truly.  There are reasons that doesn’t happen, and they are unfortunate.  Still, I’m gonna post what I have access to, as it was posted publicly on my open Facebook wall.  As a courtesy, I am editing the user name to be replaced strictly with initials only.  I will also interrupt these comments to interject my own.  I hope the result is not too confusing.  Maybe if I vary up the fonts it will be clearer who is speaking, etc, and if I can include some clarifying punctuation, etc.

On to my friend’s reply:

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[TKP] I must be missing something unless you are referring to the tone part being an Aspie thing? Is that what you meant?

 I have touched on this before in previous postings, so yes, that is what I meant.

I’m just asking because really this whole scenario could just as easily be an NT scenario, though the tone thing would be an Aspie thing as well.

I notice and enjoy your stories about you and your parents, whether they seem negative or positive. I like the bonding experiences with your mom like the games that y’all play that you’ve written about.

(I don’t recall which ones because I have a huge problem with remembering, understanding, and therefore playing games. It has distanced me and made me feel ostracized many times in my life).

I find that whether you mean to or not, you present the “negative” experience stories in a really humorous way I actually think that your “flat” (not having as much emotion) writing tone makes them even more funny, though I do understand and sympathize with your frustrations.

It is true, do tend to go for “deadpan” humor and utilize it often.  It was unintentional here but if it made you laugh then I feel good to know that.

 

I notice that you sometimes have interactions with your mom (and dad) that are aggravating for you. Your relating stories like this helps me to notice, acknowledge, and accept the fact that interactions like this are “normal” and exist for e/o, not just me.

Whenever I have negative interactions with someone, I freak out, panic, feel a need to run, and experience a swift downward spiral of self-bashing, major self-bashing, and condemnation of the world at large.

 And now I feel like a complete A-hole for losing my patience with the length and meandering nature of these replies.

I can even get to a point where I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that I shut out most in my life. I have “dreams” of running away and hiding in a little house out in the country and never coming back to society, all just from the daily interactions that become negative.

 Been there, done that.  Join the club.

I quit my last job over someone’s constant negativity towards me. It bothered me so much I felt self-destructive. I believe that, for me, it’s all part of being an Aspie, which I had not known I was until the last year.


This is where we differ; Maybe it’s a gender thing, I dunno, but if I had someone in my worklife like that, my attitude would be fuck them, I’m not letting their negativity get me down.  It’s harder when that person is your boss, of course–and I have suffered under two tyrants in very recent memory. But I’m also very determined and maintain an inner attitude of defiance and rebellion.  Always have, always will.

Having not been brought up around people much (out in the country) and in a dysfunctional home only makes this sensitive issue I have more probable as I don’t know what is normal. I figure I’ll be abandoned at the first drop of a hat.

I also have “abandonment issues”; My last therapist forced me to confront this in myself and making me consider that it is part of my personality in part because of forces beyond my control, such as having been adopted.  I didn’t like “going there”, but upon deeper psychological exploration, I had to grudgingly admit there was some uncomfortable truth in what she was saying.  And reading this about my friend makes me feel like even more of a heel and a douchenozzle, since I see now that I compounded to her misery.

However, in these next paragraphs is where my FB friend starts to drift off into left field, never to return.  She doesn’t know my parents but has decided she wants to conduct a lengthy thought experiment about the older generation as she has experienced and observed them through the years.  This belongs on HER wall, not on mine, and that is the source of my anger and frustration at the rest of what follows.

Your mother seems frustrated often, though as I said, I don’t know what’s normal. I can say that from having lived in my current neighborhood (an 800 unit residential town home complex where there’s a dense population of people in a small area with a walking trail and public areas where many people can be observed) in Houston for 20 years, that I’ve seen LOTS of frustrated people from their 40’s up through their senior years.


And I’ve seen older people seemingly content with their lot in life and buoyed by their confidence at having lived a good life and having reached many, if not all of their goals in life.

They must be really frustrated, because it’s written all over their face and in their body language. It is so apparent that people tell stories about it/them.

I can’t say for sure what the problems are. I know that some of it for women are hormonal changes as they get older.

I’ve heard from the neighborhood patrol that many are frustrated with health issues and physical pain.

 Yeah, that can suck–and I know my mom is no spring chicken anymore, but most of her aches & pains are transitory and minor so far.  She has a few health problems but they are being effectively managed so far.

However, I also think that it’s a generational thing too. I can’t speak for anyone or any generation. But, I know my generation was fed a whole hell of a lot of crap about the marvels and perfection of life if one is “good” and if one just “whistles while they work” ; ) ha ha (Snow White).

 Death of the American Dream;  Yes, I know.  I’ve read some Hunter S. Thompson along the way.  Reagan bamboozled the sh*t out of my teen self.  Since my own grandfathers died while I was still quite young, as absurd as it sounds now, Reagan in the White House, in effect, became a kind of surrogate grandfather figure to me.  I also feel betrayed by my society’s promises seemingly made to my generation (Gen X) in our early days.  Things didn’t quite pan out as expected.  I felt betrayed by the Navy when they revoked my NROTC scholarship on physical disqualification grounds–because from my perspective I’d devoted years of loyal service to them in High School NJROTC and now in College NROTC, and none of that counted for crap at the end of the day.  I was bitter, sure.  But it was probably a “blessing in disguise” so to speak.  Dropping out of NROTC made my year abroad in Germany a possibility–and hence was probably the best thing that ever happened to me, I can say with the clarity of hindsight.

There weren’t talk shows until we became an adult, other than Phil Donahue, which was considered “not mainstream” in it’s subject matter. Without the talk shows, we only had advice columns to tell us of life’s troubles. Other than that, reality was swept and hidden under the rug from us.

With limited media, life could be presented in rosey fashion and due to people wanting a rosey life, they were thirsty to believe it.

What I’m getting at is that we were given rosey, perfect images of what we could expect from life, often during times when horrible things were occurring (race riots, assasinations, wars, etc.).

 Even in those day, there were alternatives available like Ramparts and The Nation, if you’re talking 1960s and 70s, or later Probe Magazine.  Now we have the interwebz.

People rose-ified getting married, having babies, being a grandmother, having those golden years and didn’t prepare us for the harshness and often brutality of life.

 I can’t decide if this is your Aspie naivety talking or a well grounded social critique.  I mean, I guess I agree but….how does one prepare, exactly, for dealing with the dicks and self-aggrandizing a-holes of the world one is bound to rub shoulders with.  Is there anything I could or should have done to “prepare” for the back that my most recent ex-boss was probably a borderline low-grade psychopath and slightly sadistic bitch?  I don’t think so.  It was just something I had to learn to “deal” with and resolve to simply outlast her.  Which somehow I managed.  I think her own hubris was finally her undoing.

Therefore, there are many old people whose hearts are broken, dreams unfulfilled, and who don’t feel understood. They are disappointed, sad, grieving over the marvelous life that they were promised that didn’t happen.

 There are many people period who are like this.  Doesn’t justify my mom completely misreading and misinterpreting my actions and language that morning, or holding still quite incorrect misconceptions about ASD’s in general.  Just sayin’.

Your mothers frustrations may have little to do with the little annoyances at your home. There may or may not be something else underneath it all.

 No, I’m pretty sure it has to do with her failing to understand Aspie behavior and putting the onus for “fixing it” on my shoulders alone.  Not a hint of genuine “acceptance”.

I know that the senior citizens in my neighborhood some years ago scoffed and exclaimed, “What golden years????!! All I’m doing is going to the dr”.

They continued: “I belong to a club that plays card and games. We meet several times a week. There started out being 32 of us and now there are 8. I feel like I’m just waiting to die, and wondering which of my friends are going to die next”.

My mother isn’t quite this embittered or helpless.

I’m not sure how old your parents are and if any of this applies, but I just thought that I’d offer it as food for thought.

Because by this point this is more about you exploring your own ideas and being in love with your own pet ideas than it is about genuinely trying to relate to my actual frustrations as I described at the outset as simply an example of the kinds of challenges I face in communicating with my NT adoptive mother.  I could’ve done without the lengthy speculation on the plight of the elderly in the USA in general, thanks very much.

Wednesday at 11:18am · Like

[TKP] I also notice a lot of couples from the older generation. I had always heard of how great it would be to grow old with one’s spouse.

Again, this is now completely about you and far removed from my original posting.  Again, this belongs on YOUR wall, not mine.

However, in my observations of my neighbors, while some might be happily married, some are just miserable but living together due to dependency or due to the brainwashing that you never divorce.

Did you, like, forget that I’m also divorced!?  And that I know you are too?  We both know this experience about “keeping up appearances”, trying to save a failing marriage, an increasingly futile effort at papering over wide differences, etc.  Of course this happens to elderly people as well, why wouldn’t it?  My own parents sometimes snap at each other, but they’ve developed strategies for staying out of each others’ hair and giving each other some space every now and then and it has been a boon for the health of their continued marriage.

The older generation didn’t always have a choice about if they married, who they married, when they married, etc.

Sucks to have been them.  Luckily I’m Gen X and got to enjoy the fruits of the Sexual Revolution, up to and including having a live-in girlfriend 10 years my junior while in grad school.  We cohabited and had a fantastic sex life using birth control, all without the supposed blessings of modern marriage.  We married mainly because of my wife’s religious guilt over our continued “living in sin”, and the fact that I still loved her and didn’t want to break up with her and if marrying her was what it would take to stay in her life then I was prepared to hew that road and did my best.

Wednesday at 11:20am · Like

[TPK] The patrol guys say that many of the old ladies, notorious for reporting anyone and anything as being a problem or a fear for them, not only have health ailments and pain, but are influenced a lot by their medications which can cause their “witchiness”.

 Again, why are you sharing this and what the f*ck does it have to do with anything I said?

I have observed that there are many older women who never come out of their homes, unless they have to. They are hermit-like, often bitter, hurt, sad, disappointed, and/or depressed.

 You’re making some big assumptions there; and people have probably said the same thing about me at different stages of my life where I lived alone and was kind of anti-social.  But I was quite content, thank you very much–I played videogames and watched Anime and was quite happy to keep the real world at arms length, only interacting with the outside world when I wanted to, which was not terribly often.

Being alone in a townhome that has become oversized for them, with no need for much lighting, and often being depressed, they tend to live in almost total darkness.

 Um, okay?

Many women were of the generation that didn’t have choices about what they did in life. They were on the “wife/mommy” track, whether they liked it or not and there weren’t as many conveniences as there are today, so life was harder.

 *bangs head on table in frustration*  oh, gawd, please just can it….yes, yes, whatever.  Don’t care, don’t especially care to listen.  Yes, women of older generations had it tougher and were treated shittier than today.  Also, water still wet and the pope remains astonishingly Catholic.  Or something.

Some women don’t like that, and often whether they did or didn’t, often decided on whether their marriage/life was good or not, based on whether they were the less beaten woman in the neighborhood or whether their husband provided for them or not. That was often the standard.

Again, thank goodness for the Sexual Revolution when enough gutsy women stood up and said FUCK THAT.

Wednesday at 12:25pm · Like

{TKP} The old married women complain that after all those years in the house, raising kids, laboring, and tending to their husband, they wanna get out and go places.

Then go do that.

They say that their husband, who worked all his life, perhaps in an office or something, wants to finally be at home, away from the outside world. The women say that their husband expects their wife to wait on them, hand and foot, with meals, cleaning the house, intimacy, etc.

Newsflash: some husbands are insensitive jerks.  Film at 11.

The woman says that she wants to “be retired” like her husband, not continue to do the work at home that she’s always done. They say that they want to reclaim themselves finally, that raising kids and having a husband was all about taking care of e/o but themselves.

 And some women have the guts to grab life by the reins and break free and do just that.  More power to ’em.  While others would rather sit back and just kvetch about it.  Oy Gewalt!

The men, often dreamed of retirement life, but often feel disoriented, displaced, restless, bored, and disappointed at being retired.

My dad’s retired; I’ve noticed, ok?

Some want to work again, but can’t get jobs. Others reclaim their managerial skills by bossing around their wife, telling her what, when, and how to do things that she has spent her whole life doing and has good reasons for the way that she does things.

 Yeah…?

The man behind my townhome, used to walk, pick up trash as he walked in the neighborhood, and waved at passersby. I labeled him Mr. Good Citizen America.

 Oh gawd, why the f*ck am I even still reading or listening to this?!

I didn’t know him, though, and when I was talking to him once at the pool, he went into a rant for 20 minutes talking about how shitty the teenagers were, the same teenagers I cherish in my neighborhood. I couldn’t help myself, so I “bitched him out” without using bad words

 I often say, “The Kids are alright”.  Because I know that bitching about young people has been a pastime of older generations since at least Socrates. I get it.

Now, he spends all day and night, working in his storage shed. He created a workshop out of it.  That’s wonderful, but the question is, “Did his wife bitch him out of the house, as I’ve heard some women do when they get annoyed with their old husbands bossing them around or does he work out there voluntarily?”

 If you really must know, you could ask him?  But it also begs the question as to why the f*ck you even care in the first place.  What difference does it make?  If you wanna obsess over the lives of virtual strangers, read a good book, or watch a movie or follow a soap opera or a telenovela or an Anime or something…

Is he working out there so much because he doesn’t want to see her or he finds retirement so frustrating or does he just enjoy it so much as a hobby?

Maybe a little from column A, a little from column B?  With a side helping of why the f*ck do you concern yourself with this anyway?  I mean, I wish the dude well, maybe he found some tinkering activity that keeps him occupied.  Maybe he sits in there all day smoking a cigarette brooding over how he doesn’t really love his wife anymore and he can’t see the point of living much longer or whatever.  Just be grateful he’s not directly bugging YOU.

Wednesday at 12:39pm · Like

{TKP}  Money is also a huge issue for seniors, especially if they haven’t prepared and/or have health issues and medications.

This is the line I actually read first going backwards that angered me the most and caused me to post a tl;dr (“teal dear”) graphic I found on Tumblr, I think.  It made me angry because it’s just so random and seemingly unconnected to anything I wrote, just blah blah blah blah and leaving me wanting to flip a table and say “shut the hell up already”.

Image

This person has evidently subsequently blocked me on Facebook–and while I can kind of sort of understand (feeling rejected, embarrassed, etc) I kind of hope she reads this to understand and try to learn from her mistakes.  The problem in dealing with NTs is they assume you know all this already and are just being deliberately dense.  As a fellow Aspie, I’m taking the time to convey back what this person did wrong and where they started to “go off the rails” with respect to expected conversational norms and online Facebook etiquette.  I’m presently trying to relay these sentiments back to her via 3rd party persons whom she has not yet blocked.

Aspie community is hard;  I don’t pretend it to be otherwise.  We are quite capable of getting on each others nerves, pushing each others buttons, etc, just like NT people can be with each other, too.

Joke: what do you get when you put two Aspies together with absolutely no convergent interests/foci?
Answer: Two increasingly frustrated, dueling monologues.
Badumpbump, tiss!!!

Thank you, thank you, I’m here all week–don’t forget to tip the waitstaff….remember, 2 drink minimum…Ladies and gentlemen, I bid you good night.  You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.

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10 thoughts on “Frustrations in communcation; NT-Aspie, Aspie-Aspie

  1. I am brutally aware of all my flaws that you brought up and so many more. It’s why I’ve done anything and everything and continue to do so all my life to deal with my suicidal and escape tendencies. You can only have problems with and get told about the same flaws over and over again until it gets to you.

    They are flaws that have been with me all my life, as well as others, most since early childhood [talking too much, writing too much, getting off the subject (even though I see the connection all the way through when people say I get “off topic”. All they need to do is ask me the connection), attention problems, mood swings, boundaries on FB, being toooo sensitive, escaping, taking things too personally, etc. I have had personal issues, childhood family issues, and adult, marital, and parental issues].

    The personal characteristics are not things that I have been able to change even though I have spent my adulthood and even a lot of my childhood trying to change my flaws. It’s like trying to make a gay person straight, a low IQ person have high IQ, or trying to make a dog into a cat. It just hasn’t been able to be done.

    Though I only recently self-diagnosed as an Aspie, I spent a lot of my childhood (yes, voluntarily, as a child since about 8 years old, on my own accord, (since the adults in my life weren’t in tune with me) trying to “work on myself” all the way until now, using one method or another or more at a time:

    I haven’t been a religious person since I was 19, but, starting as a child,

    I used to try to find help via various ways at my church,

    writing relatives (pen pals), advice columns, magazine articles, newspaper articles,

    requested help at school and was told that my problems weren’t severe enough (even though I had the problems mentioned, my mother had died at my age of 12, and there was dysfunction in the family). They said my father had enough $ to help me.

    I continued to seek help as a child through studying t.v. shows, movies, and going to and belonging to a youth facilitated retreat group at church that was feeling focused and problem support oriented.

    As an adult, I watched talk shows, continued with magazines and newspaper articles, listened to over 1000 hours of self-help and other valuable audiobooks, studied my family history, joined support groups, went to counseling, took medicine for depression, talked with others, requested information from relatives, got a child development degree figuring it would help change cycles, have written all my life, etc.

    So, really, every time someone mentions these things, it feels like a “beating over the head” with a soft-backed paper book. However, I try to be open to others perspectives, force myself to listen to hard truths and to question if what they are saying is correct.

    Currently, and I have to remind myself, I am attempting to start viewing my flaws as things that can be flipped into good. It’s all a matter of perspective, discovering ways that they can be used for good.

    The “old people” thing was all about:

    me attempting to make a point to you that so much of what you think may be about you in a negative way with your parents might not be about you or your having Asperger’s, and might not be anything personal from them. When people are stressed and have their own dramas, it often comes out on other people.

    me attempting to paint a picture of what I’ve observed about old people. That way you could pick and choose what applies to your parents and see that, while you may suffer from frustrations from having Asperger’s and things in your life, they may be quietly struggling from many things as well.

    They may have many of the issues from what I wrote AND are devoted and loving enough to continue to try to support you. They continue supporting you, knowing you have Asperger’s, but having thought, when they were raising you, that, as much as they may love you, they would “be free” once you finished college.

    I know that I dearly love my daughters, but that it was precisely due to my great love and devotion to them, that I was so exhausted and needed the rest of my life back once they even just got out of high school (the last of the two graduating h.s. this year).

    I know that before I had a spouse, children, pets, etc. that I had problems seeing beyond myself other than the volunteer work that I did. It’s very hard to not be totally self-focused if one doesn’t have a spouse, children, and pets to help expand our perspective.

    I notice that many Aspies are single, live with their parents, some work, some don’t, but it is their work, have personal hobbies or activities. Life revolves around them. I include myself in being self-focused/obsessed, EVEN having had the experiences that I mentioned.

    So, against my better judgment and the voice warning me in my head, that day I wrote that about old people, I was merely trying to get you to step into THEIR world.

    By the way, I still admit my flaws, however:

    You keep saying that I’m making assumptions when you are making assumptions that I am making assumptions.

    In the post not mentioned here (anime), I was merely asking things, and in the article about old people, I wasn’t making assumptions. I was merely presenting to you things that COULD INCLUDE things that MAY be going on in their lives. (I don’t have italics so just to let you know, I’m not shouting).

    No one MAKES you read what I write nor MAKES you respond to it.
    You could simply have stated, “Sorry, it’s too long. I can’t read it, or said nothing” and ignored it.

    You failed to mention that you said, “You talk way too damn much!” and that on a previous post, you said, “You don’t know what you are talking about” and “You are taking potshots”.

    Those are all very aggressive ways of saying things. That’s making assumptions and accusing. Why don’t you try asking questions first?

    (Like assuming that I’m “squirreling things away”

    You asked me, but you didn’t understand or get all my answer. Perhaps it’s because I wrote too much to soak in, I admit.

    Plus, I accidentally left part of my answer out, which is a really aggravating thing that I wonder if it is an Aspie thing, that happens to me. Emotional things= becoming mute, leaving things out, not expressing things well.

    I also later asked you two times about getting onto this blog. Got no response.

    According to Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of Nonviolent/Compassionate Communication:

    It is a peaceful and more effective way of speaking if we (I include myself) use “I” statements, instead of “You” statements.

    He also recommends the following formula, which is tedious and I’m not good at, so I don’t tend to use, but I have seen it’s great effectiveness:

    When wanting to speak about important things:

    State an observation (what do you see, observe, notice,etc. factual things)
    Feelings: “I feel…sad, mad” not “I feel… you hurt me” and not “You”
    “I” is taking personal responsibilty, “You” is blaming (codependent)
    Needs: I need…
    Request: Would you be willing to…

    So, for you to me:

    Observation: “TKP, I notice that you write a lot.
    Feeling: “I feel really overwhelmed.
    Need: “I have a need for brevity when you write me”
    Request: (Be specific) “Would you be willing to only write 4 sentences or less (for
    example)”

    I admit that I was guilty in trying to give unsolicited advice (codependency). I get confused when someone feels bad about something. I’m not sure if they just want to vent or they would like feedback (observations and/or advice).

    Until recently, I felt older people were condescending, though trying to be helpful, when they offered advice/feedback. However, since I’m older, it’s harder not to give it, even though I know the pitfalls of it and there are many.

    It’s like seeing someone have difficulties and hoping and/or knowing that you could help them. It seems selfish not to, especially if you feel like you’ve had a lot of experiences or knowledge about something and you don’t want them to suffer pain.

    In your case, I felt a lot of sorrow for you that you and your parents, that you always have such conflicts when it’s apparent that they really do love you. I felt sorrow for your situation also, because I experience similar things also as you. I felt a strong need to help even though a little voice told me not to.

    I know so much about the old people in my neighborhood because I’ve lived here 20 years, used to walk 3 miles around the neighborhood daily for years, used to swim laps every day in the summer for years, was a stay at home mother for years, and just happened to meet people either through my kids or inadvertantly or through neighborhood functions. They also make up our whole board. A large percentage of my neighborhood is and has been old people.

  2. Besides, it’s a bit contradictory to talk about me needing to write on here and how I’m squirreling things away when you and all my life people have basically said what you thought or said, like “Shut the hell up!”, and “You talk too damn much!”, or

    teachers: “Go out in the hall” (every day in 1st and 2nd grade), or my dad, “Your mouth is going to get you in trouble one day!” or others “You write a book, too much!” “You sure do get off topic, do you know that?”

    Why in my right mind (and half of its not here which explains me sometimes writing on here) would I choose to torture people and have them yell at me back at me?

    On the other hand, contrary to what I like to make people believe (for fun), I’m not a mind reader, so I write more not less. I don’t want to leave out anything that might help me or others, because some people with very serious issues have very seriously thanked me and talked about how much my writing helped them tremendously.

    In reference to my old people and my neighborhood, I also took my kids out every day and just happened to notice people around me or we’d end up in a conversation, or as with some old ladies, I’d see them ranting away.

    Lastly, I don’t MAKE anyone be my friend on fb. You were annoyed by several things, it seemed. I always make the announcement that I write my fb for myself but hope it helps others. I always say if people don’t like my many posts or long writing, they can adjust their settings or get off. You could have just gotten off. I don’t want unhappy campers.

  3. “Squirreling away” and not sharing on here also seems to be a negative assumption that I’m being selfish and it’s not true.

    I’d be delighted to share, but due to my questions to you not being answered about this blog, due to my apparent torture of people due to the length and number of posts and getting off topics, and other reasons that would take a whole article to write, I haven’t gotten on.

    That doesn’t mean that I’m selfish.

  4. Also, you wrote: “instead of squirreling it away on Facebook to be read by nobody, or at most only a few oddballs like yours truly”.

    My reply: What is your definition of “a few oddballs”? Those few oddballs are real people who are my FB friends. That is name-calling, being judgmental, being rude, and acting as if they don’t have any value as human beings.

    It’s also assuming that they wouldn’t benefit regardless of whether they are NT or Aspie, it is assuming that THEY aren’t Aspies (which you don’t know whether they are or aren’t), and is acting as if they are inferior to people on here, not quite as deserving.

    I bet if I called a kid an “oddball”, technically, it could be considered “bullying”. I’m beginning to want to meet your mom. I think I’d like her and we’d have much in common to talk about.

  5. The act of pushing people away has been a major theme, problem for others, and offending thing to the people in my life. I had not known until now that it was my over-sensitivity due to Asperger’s.

    I had not even known until last spring that I had Asperger’s and it is still only a self-diagnosis. Many people have felt offended and hurt due to my pushing them away.

    However, I always just felt (and feel?) that it was that my appearing to or rejecting them made them feel inadequate or somehow unlovable. I have never felt that it was due to them actually really caring that much for me (low self-esteem that anyone could love and/or care about me), even relatives, or

    I thought that they cared, but that our background had just been too crazy dysfunctional for us to be able to live around each either anymore due to the painful reminder and negative association of our past, such belonging to the same dysfunctional family.

  6. I had thought that my oversensitivity was due to having suffered a lot of emotional abuse and/or pain in my childhood and in my adulthood, or

    from having been isolated a lot in my life, not having grown up around various types of people and scenarios, or

    from having psychological issues since dr.s, not knowing what was wrong with me, and/or each having their own slant on things, gave me a different diagnosis (mild chronic depression, manic depression, OCD, PMDD, PMS, a.d.d., a.d.h.d., etc.)

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